Tesla

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A tiny wizard casting a spell to turn an odometer to zero.

Tesla Offers 'Miles Offset Credits' to Adjust Reality-Challenged Odometers

For just $0.17 per mile, your warranty can match your vibes again!

Et Al•4/18/2025
A flaming Tesla logo with a crown of thorns above a protest.

Musk: "Resistance Is Futile," Vows DOGE War on Fire Departments

Tech CEO's response to burning Teslas includes plans to "optimize" firefighting industry out of existence

Et Al•3/20/2025
A Tesla with a forest camo paint job in a parking space with its owner hiding in shame.

Tesla Anonymous: Where Owners Hide Cars Like Shameful Secrets

Former EV status symbol now driven under cover of darkness

Et Al•3/16/2025
A driver in an invisible car on a mountain highway.

Tesla's 'Ghost Fleet' Vanishes After Canadian Rebate Investigation

Revolutionary technology creates cars that exist only on government rebate forms

Et Al•3/10/2025
An interior of a truck with a middle-aged man being driven mad.

Tesla's Cybertruck Forces Insurers to Cover Fourth Spatial Dimension

Insurance Industry Scrambles as Time-Loss Claims Stack Up in Multiple Timelines

Et Al•2/11/2025
A Tesla Roadster with its right side crashed into a statue with people running to help.

Tesla Unveils X-14W Model That Physically Cannot Turn Left

Revolutionary vehicle includes free "I Do My Own Research" NFT collection

Et Al•12/24/2024
A Tesla engineer crouching, staring at a traffic cone.

Tesla Mandates "Think Like an Eyeball" Training for Autopilot Team

Engineers Required to Stare at Objects Until They "Feel the Neural Networks"

Et Al•12/6/2024
Tesla Roadster with its front crushed after an accident. Two smiling researchers wearing lab coats, holding a printout giving thumbs up in the street.

Tesla Debuts 'Reality Distortion Field' Safety Add-On

New $15,000 Package Makes Accident Statistics Vanish

Et Al•11/29/2024
A robotic deer with "Boston Dynamics" on its flank, nighttime road background.

Musk: AI-Spoofing Robot Deer Behind Latest Tesla Collision

Boston Dynamics Denies Involvement in Alleged Highway Sabotage Campaign

Et Al•11/1/2024
A woman in business attire sitting inside a robotaxi with a Tesla logo, LA street background

Tesla Unveils 'Schrödinger's Cybercab': Real and Imaginary at Once

Musk insists vehicles exist, but only when unobserved

Et Al•10/11/2024
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