Tech

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A dam with an X shaped leak.

X Announces Revolutionary 'Pre-Leaked Data' Feature: 'Why Wait for Hackers?'

Platform Innovates by Releasing User Information Before Someone Else Does

Et Al•4/2/2025
A wedding couple in front of the MacDonald's golden arches.

Google Hides Ads In Your Family Photos, Calls It "Innovation"

New "Ad Camouflage" feature replaces Grandma with Grubhub, seamlessly

Et Al•4/1/2025
An elderly woman beside an overheating computer.

SSA Makes Seniors Mine Crypto to Prove They're Alive for Benefits

New "Proof-of-Life-via-Proof-of-Work" system touted as "revolutionary efficiency measure" by government tech bros

Et Al•3/30/2025
The Reddit Snoo alien holding a ban hammer protecting a pile of gold coins.

Reddit Launches "Billionaire Feelings Matter" Moderation Tool

New algorithm prioritizes CEO text messages over actual community guidelines

Et Al•3/28/2025
A clown wearing a suit typing on his smartphone while sitting on a missile.

Signal Introduces 'Moron Mode' to Prevent National Security Blunders

New feature automatically detects and blocks messages about bombing civilian targets

Et Al•3/27/2025
A Google flying drone with a bomb underneath.

Google Rebrands Military Division: "Don't Be Evil, But Like, Ironically™"

Tech giant unveils new slogan after $8 billion Wiz acquisition, doubles down on defense contracts

Et Al•3/26/2025
A smartphone with an open door on the screen.

Hegseth's Magical Autocorrect Claims Yemen Strike Plans Wrote Themselves

Defense Secretary Tops National Autocorrect Excuse Ranking™ With Unprecedented Phone Alibi

Et Al•3/25/2025
A smartphone with prison bars emerging from the screen, entrapping graduation cap wearing people inside.

X's "Dissent Detector" Transforms Censorship Into Profit Center

Tech Giant Monetizes Repression After Turkey Success Story

Et Al•3/24/2025
A giant blue thumbs-up spewing surveillance drones over tiny tech workers with a sign that says "obey".

Facebook's "Career Afterlife Score" Tracks Ex-Employee Silence

Former workers' loyalty measured in post-Meta quietude points

Et Al•3/23/2025
A flaming Tesla logo with a crown of thorns above a protest.

Musk: "Resistance Is Futile," Vows DOGE War on Fire Departments

Tech CEO's response to burning Teslas includes plans to "optimize" firefighting industry out of existence

Et Al•3/20/2025
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