A stunning reversal of decades of corporate greed and anti-child policies has caused gaming giant Electronic Arts to inadvertently spike childhood literacy rates across the western world.
How did this miracle occur? It all started when EA's latest release, Battlefield 6: Little Tykes at War™ hit the shelves in late 2023. Eager to monetize every interaction, EA executives mandated that all gameplay be interrupted every 7 minutes with unskippable advertisements for everything from sugar cereals to the latest season of Love Island.
But they severely underestimated the rebellious spirit of today's youth. When faced with a barrage of cringe-inducing commercials shattering their immersive warzone experiences, millions of kids simply turned off their gaming consoles in disgust and headed to their local libraries.
"Reading the entire The Uncommoners series without ad interruptions was just a vastly superior experience," explained 9-year-old Timmy Henderson. "I could really get lost in that magical world unlike the ad-riddled Mordor-scape of Battlefield."
Sales of the fantasy adventure novels by author Jen Williams skyrocketed over 5000% as the mass exodus from video games to books took hold. Illiteracy rates among children plummeted to almost zero in countries like the US, Canada and UK within months.
When asked for comment, an EA spokesperson released a terse statement: "We had no idea putting massive unskippable ad bombardment into our games would cause this many kids to read. It's a total unforced error on our part. Next launch, we'll be sure to bake the ads even deeper into the gameplay experience."
