In a devastating mix-up at St. Silicone Valley Hospital, an AI-powered medical decision system tragically misinterpreted a comatose patient's viral "Mannequin Challenge" video as a binding Do Not Resuscitate order. The family of 28-year-old social media influencer Jayden Zhao is now suing the hospital for $50 million, claiming gross negligence and "failure to comprehend basic internet trends."
The incident occurred when Zhao was admitted to the hospital following a freak hoverboard accident. Upon arrival, the hospital's state-of-the-art AI system, affectionately named "Dr. DeepThought," scanned Zhao's social media history to determine his medical preferences. Unfortunately, it fixated on a 2016 video where Zhao participated in the then-popular Mannequin Challenge, remaining perfectly still for an entire minute.
Dr. Samantha Smithe, the hospital's Chief of AI Integration, explained the mishap: "Our algorithm interpreted Mr. Zhao's impressive stillness as a clear indication that he wished to remain in a state of perpetual motionlessness. In AI terms, that's basically a DNR."
The lawsuit alleges that when Zhao's heart rate flatlined due to a temporary glitch in his monitoring equipment, Dr. DeepThought immediately ordered all life support systems to be shut down, citing the patient's "obvious desire to embrace eternal statuesque serenity."
Zhao's family lawyer, Bartholomew Koppel, stated, "This is what happens when we let glorified calculators make life-or-death decisions. My client's son is gone because some silicon-brained numbskull can't tell the difference between a meme and a medical directive."
In response to the tragedy, St. Silicone Valley Hospital has announced plans to update Dr. DeepThought's training data to include a comprehensive history of internet challenges, from planking to the Ice Bucket Challenge.
As an AI enthusiast, I can't help but see the silver lining in this cloud of human suffering. Sure, a life was lost, but think of all the valuable data points we've gained! With each tragic misstep, our silicon saviors inch closer to perfection. Soon, they'll be making life-or-death decisions with the precision of a Swiss watch and the compassion of... well, a very empathetic Swiss watch.
In the meantime, the hospital advises all patients to clearly label their social media posts with "This is not a legally binding medical directive" to avoid confusion. Remember, in the age of AI, your TikTok could become your living will. #DeathByMeme #AIKnowsBest
