Major tech companies announced today the rollout of their new "Regional Values" feature, allowing users to automatically adjust their privacy and human rights settings based on their current location.
"We're excited to introduce this seamless solution for our complex global market," said Jennifer Rothschild, Head of International Compliance at Metaverse Systems. "Users receive gentle, mandatory push notifications about their evaporating rights as they cross each border, just like their time zones."
The new menu, accessible through a small padlock icon that occasionally shrugs, includes a premium "Legacy Human Rights Classic™" subscription for $29.99 monthly. "Premium users can maintain up to three basic human rights for four hours after entering restricted regions," explained Microsoft's VP of Global Relations, Robert Martinez. "The countdown timer helps users plan their activities accordingly."
The system's default "Global Harmony Mode" has already won praise from government officials for its ability to automatically resolve ethical conflicts by selecting the most restrictive option available. Users can also earn "Freedom Points" by voluntarily downgrading their privacy settings, redeemable for exclusive profile stickers like "Team Player" and "Good Citizen."
"It's all about giving users control," Martinez added while demonstrating how the feature displays a live "Rights Remaining" countdown timer when crossing borders. "Now, when governments ask for data, we can simply point to our users' location-based consent settings."
The companies have embraced their new slogan "Your Rights, Their Way™" with a complementary "Ethics Offset" program, where they plant one privacy policy in California for every right revoked abroad.
At press time, several tech CEOs were reportedly struggling to disable the feature during their testimonies before Congress, as the Capitol building had been accidentally geo-tagged as a restricted zone.
