Breaking new ground in the field of artificial intelligence efficiency, Suno CEO Mikey Shulman announced today that his company has discovered the optimal path to musical innovation: skipping the tedious process of creation entirely in favor of a more streamlined approach to intellectual property litigation.
"Why spend years practicing guitar scales when you could achieve the same sense of repetitive accomplishment by clicking 'I agree' on terms of service agreements?" Shulman explained during a recent venture capital pitch, where he unveiled Suno's revolutionary new mission statement: "From Sheet Music to Legal Sheets: The Future of Artistic Expression."
The company's hiring practices reflect this philosophy, with all engineering candidates now required to provide notarized proof they've never experienced joy while creating anything. "Past incidents of creative satisfaction are a red flag," noted HR director James Maxwell. "We're looking for people who understand that true innovation means optimizing the litigation pipeline."
Their San Francisco headquarters exemplifies this vision, having recently converted all music rooms into "litigation meditation spaces" where employees can contemplate the sound of filing cabinets opening and closing – which, incidentally, serves as training data for their latest AI model.
The company's latest SEC filing reveals a strategic pivot from traditional music industry metrics to their proprietary "Cost Per Lawsuit" (CPL) framework. Their flagship product, the Legal Defense Transformer™, now automatically converts MIDI files into court-ready legal briefs, which Shulman calls "a more efficient use of musical notation."
"This is the future of creativity," Shulman declared, demonstrating their new consumer app that generates unlimited copyright violations with a single click. "Why compose when you can depose?"
At press time, Shulman was reportedly developing a new AI model trained exclusively on other companies' AI models, citing the inherent inefficiency of training on original data.
