MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell and Eric Trump unveiled their latest blockchain venture Wednesday, announcing that the new $ERIC cryptocurrency will be "fully backed by premium pillow reserves" stored in InfoWars host Alex Jones' Austin warehouse facility.
"Every $ERIC token is guaranteed by an actual, physical MyPillow product," explained Trump during a livestreamed press conference, before suddenly slumping face-first into a display pillow for what he called a "live demonstration of our proprietary proof-of-nap protocol."
The partnership raised eyebrows when blockchain researchers discovered the smart contract listed "Definitely Not Alex Jones Wearing A Mustache, Inc." as the official custodian of the physical reserves. The project's whitepaper, apparently written in gold Sharpie on the back of several MyPillow warranty cards, contains mysterious brown stains that Eric insisted were "covfefe-certified authentication marks."
"We selected the most secure facility in Texas," Lindell declared, pausing periodically to demonstrate "tactical power napping" techniques. "Our revolutionary consensus mechanism requires all network validators to complete a mandatory competitive sleep tournament. If you can't nap, you can't hack – that's just basic blockchain security."
The announcement took an unexpected turn when Jones joined virtually to give a warehouse tour, inadvertently revealing that the "secure storage facility" was actually the break room of his InfoWars studio, with pillows haphazardly stacked between protein powder pallets and unsold supplements.
"Premium token holders get exclusive access to my dream journal alpha leaks," Jones shouted over the sound of a forklift warning signal. "Last night I had a vision about the upcoming memory foam market correction – very bearish on therapeutic neck support!"
At press time, the price of $ERIC had dropped 40% after Jones accidentally live-streamed himself using the pillow reserves to build what he called a "tactical sleeping fort" in preparation for what he described as "the coming memory foam wars."
